CONFUSED? I AM.

I bought some Matahiwi Estate Chardonnay on-line a while ago and then forgot about it. That was prescient.

Last night I dug one out of the cellar, chilled it, opened it, tasted it and gasped. Not at its outstanding quality as I'm sure the on-line seller raved about inducing me to buy a case, but at its ordinariness bordering on awfulness.

The wine is lean, woody and tart.

The leanness is from poor fruit. The woodiness is not nice vanillin oak but that varnishy, splintery and bitter character that comes from being too long exposed to cheap wood staves or planks. The tartness is not refreshing but that bitter lemon character from lemon skins.

Intrigued as to why I bought this and not having to hand the blurb that the on-line seller had used I read the back label.

Now I must say here that over the years I've written many back labels. On most occasions this has been a sincere attempt to inform the buyer about how the wine was crafted and what the winemaker considers are the primary elements of the wine's aroma and taste. On other occasions it's been a marketing exercise where the descriptions used bear little relationship to the actual wine. The 2015 Matahiwi Estate Chardonnay is definitely a case of the latter. This is what I found:

"Sourced from two vineyards in Hawkes Bay, this chardonnay has lovely nectarine and melon fruit with a spicy oak nose. Ripe citrus with a nutty creaminess and a toasty oak finish".

Well, I don't know what hallucinogenics the writer of that was on and if he/she was drinking chardonnay at the time it wasn't the 2015 Matahiwi Estate. It sounds more like a Te Mata Elston or something from the Sacred Hill stable.

My view of wine labels is that the best use of them is for the diner left at the table at a restaurant has something to read when his/her partner nips off to the toilet. I can't really think of another use. Now that smartphones are in almost everyone's pockets the abandoned diner has no shortage of things to read and listen to thereby making the back label completely redundant apart from the legal mandatories like name of producer, name of wine, alcohol and additives.



Nevertheless after I'd recovered from the blatant lie by the winemaker or the marketing person I read the other crap that was written.

"The Phoenix has long been seen as a symbol of renewal. The Matahiwi Phoenix symbolises the rebirth of winemaking in the northern Wairarapa after the period of prohibition in the early 1900's (sic). New Zealand wine pioneers recognised the region as an ideal environment for grape growing, as did Alastair Scott when he returned from London to his homeland in 1998 to establish Matahiwi Estate. Matahiwi is a place recognised by Maori as a windy and exposed area sheltered by the high mountainous Tararua ranges to the west. These wines, produced by winemaker Jane Cooper, show just how the Wairarapa has earned a reputation for producing some of the best wines in the world."

The blurb then goes on to describe the chardonnay in the bottle.

What the fuck?
I'm a marketer and used to all sorts of advertising and marketing bullshit but this is incredible.
Apart from the dodgy grammar and incorrect use of punctuation these are some of the outtakes for me:

• What the hell is the use of the phoenix for? Apart from being a good logo/badge device for the front label why is it there? Is it because disgruntled wine drinkers burned down the first winery after tasting the wines?

• How can a place be windy and exposed at the same time as sheltered?

• After all that rubbish about Wairarapa producing 'some of the best wines in the world' the writer goes straight on to say that this chardonnay was 'Sourced from two vineyards in Hawkes Bay'.

So, my impressions?

Unimpressed by the wine.

Flabbergasted at the verbosity of the wine description.

Appalled at the poor editing and allowing a Hawkes Bay chardonnay to be introduced as the epitome of Wairarapa winemaking.